Friday, January 25, 2019


i don't remember when i stopped making tea in the evenings.  i needed it in those "early" days. i put "early" in "" because i don't want to get cocky. it's currently 108 days and while it seems like a lot right now, i know it's a drop in a bucket.  in those early "holding on by my fingernails" days, 100 days seemed huge! like once i got there, i'd be okay.  i am okay, i am "better", whatever that means.

i stopped making tea. i used to make it every convince myself that i was preparing for sleep, that i was winding down instead of a bottle of wine, it was a mug of tea.  oh, the tea.  so much tea!  a shelf full of teas.

sleepy time tea, night time tea, chamomile, vanilla, lavender.  instead of a mug of wine, it was a mug of tea.  i preferred a mug or tumbler of wine because it was more steady than a wine glass.  how many times did i spill wine on my couch?  when did i stop using a wine glass and switch to a mug?  it had been years.

where am i going with this?  oh. tea. winding down. i'm reaching for books and sashiko in the evenings while catching up on DVRd shows.

108 days.

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