overdoing it

i feel like i  might be overdoing it...following these new podcasts, the instagram accounts, quotes...i know i'm grasping at things to "keep me on track".  they're farther along than i am. how did they start? what did they find challenging?  what did they find helpful?

i'm making it this big deal and it's becoming this big deal.  when i did dry january, it was just that. to see if i could not drink for a month.  i didn't make it a month!  i think i made it 26 days.

another random day in april i decided to quit drinking. that lasted a couple of weeks, and then i said i would just drink on the weekends, and then that went out the window.

i didn't quit because i thought i had a problem.  but maybe i did. i knew i had a problem, i knew it was a larger amount than normal or occasional.

there was always a tiny voice. saying it was too much, telling me i didn't need to go to the store, that i didn't need to "stock up for the week", to not open that second bottle.

but i did.