Wednesday, October 10, 2007

all toyoter drivers are assholes (i might be a road rager)

i have decided that ALL toyoter drivers are assholes. AND that hitting your brakes to fend off the person behind you IN TRAFFIC is not a good thing. four people did that to me. like, slowed down from 80 mph to 60mph!! to teach me a lesson! once, on an onramp!! i was like, holy fuck, what's going on, is there a cop around? is there a moose in the road? fuckers were trying to teach me a lesson. I'M ON A ROLL, BITCH!! i gotta get past you, then cut over here and zip over there and race to beat that truck waaay up there then cut over to the fast lane. and isn't it TAP your brakes? these fuckers laid down the law.

i got cut off by a carolla on an onramp from the 8W to the 805N. i was going about 60. chick probably didn't even see me, didn't even see that i was in that lane before she was. how dare i drive so close to her? so she slowed down. slooooowed down. i actually looked around. i got scared. is there an ambulance somewhere? nope. i was on her ass so she had to teach me a lesson. we went from 60 to about 40 in a few seconds. i changed lanes, got around her, and when i passed her, mouthed the word "stupid". i felt better. she looked at me while i said the last half of the word. i'm sure she thought i called her a bitch. i was pleased.

later on, 5N around pendleton. this little scion (which is an offshoot of toyoter) was zip zooming aaaall over the place. it was a pretty packed section of freeway. we were all going about 70. but it wasn't fast enough for sparky. you know how the scions have that short hood? i drive a civic. a very well behaved lovely civic. my trunk doesn't jut that far out from the car. I COULDN'T SEE THIS GUY'S HOOD he was that close to me. i didn't tap my brakes for fear that he would be stuffed in my trunk. haha stuffed in my trunk. that's funny. i slowed down, though, once he passed. i was sure he was going to hit someone and cause a 37 car pile up.

there was another guy in an older toyoter camry. i swear he was trying to run over me. i zoomed to the carpool lane. he zoomed after me. i got out of the car pool lane, he followed. paparazzi? no, just an asshole.

prius cars are the worst. do they think they're better than us because they run on baby farts and lollypops? they think they can split lanes. they think because they're so small they can fit anywhere. in traffic. while going 50mph when everyone else is going 80.

then .... THEN on my last leg of my trip. I was on 5S near the san o viewpoint. i was behind one of those ugly toyoter suv things (which looks like they castrated the original design. croc dundee wouldn't drive one of the new ones). i was exhausted. i was hallucinating. i had to pee, but didn't want to stop. i was zoom zooming around, but safely. i saw a window, a perfect chess move. this stupid car slowed down. i swore there was someone who cut her off or something. a cop had pulled out from nowhere. no. there was no one in front of her. when i passed her, i looked at her.

bitch had a smile on her face.

i'm uuuuussually not this road ragey. but for those of you who know about my weekend, you understand why. for those of you who don't know about it yet, i will explain through interpretive dance.

ta da


  1. You don't drive a Civic.
    It's a Cervix.
    Get it straight. She and the gia metrosexual ovum belong together.

  2. dammit! the cervix and the ovum go together like... well, like cervices and ovums. ova?